Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
