What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Randomize
