I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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