If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
