my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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