You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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