State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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