he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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