wanna go halves on a baby?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
