Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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