I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
