I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I wish there were birth control emojis
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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