he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
