That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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