i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
