Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
