I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
