Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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