How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
