So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize