i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
You ruined the universe
Randomize
