it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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