Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
