Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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