i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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