boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
