Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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