The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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