WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
