Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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