I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
