he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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