Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
