Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
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