a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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