hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
