also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
