I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
