I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
