i don't plan on having that self control this summer
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
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