Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
