I'm drive I can fine osifer
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
