I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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