So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
