I haven't been this sober since birth.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
