You can't special order awesome
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
