I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
