I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
