it's like iHOP with fire
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
