Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
