If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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