I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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