WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
