some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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