I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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