How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
