Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
