I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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