did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
