are you still at the devil's house?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
