is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
