Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
