I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am one with the molecules
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
