Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
