at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
