I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
