He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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