i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Found your dick twin last night
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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