Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize