i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
