it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
