White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
