That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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